#but no I think we as a society should move away from those because once they’re past their prime they simply Ferment

[iamthemaestro]

it is 3 AM and I am in my kitchen going on a Fruit Crusade which is when I go through the fridge, sample all our fruit that’s approaching the end if its lifespan, and settle for a mediocre banana after having been thoroughly disappointed three consecutive times. what thursday night does to a mf

[imagineseclipse]

I know you- Anthony Bridgerton x Y/n:Part one

Part one - Part two

Anthony rolled his eyes as he leant against the door frame, watching his family whisper excitedly between themselves as they leant towards the door trying to hear inside, thankfully the walls were thick because on the other side you were almost rolling around on the floor out of breath trying to tighten the corset that Violet had picked out for you. You weren’t a Bridgerton, but you were as close as. You had been a family friend of theirs for as long as you could remember, spending many occasions with them and this season was no different. You often chose to stay at their house instead of your own.

The eldest Bridgerton couldn't understand what all the fuss was as he peered over at the chaos once again, this year a Bridgerton sister wasn’t being put forth before the queen. Francesca had just married off and there was still a while before the others could join Society. So what was the commotion for?

He rolled his eyes again, pushing himself off the door frame, approaching his mother and sisters.

“Maybe we should just quit whilst we’re ahead, I’m sure the queen has already found her diamond”you breathed out nervously, sweat dripping from your top lip as you looked dishevelled and troubled.

“Y/n, you’ve been putting this off since the season I got married”Daphne sighed as she patted down your chest with a cloth.

“And for good reason, it’s hell on earth out there Daphne you know all too well”you scoffed swatting your best friend away.

“You’ll be amazing I’m sure of it-Are you ready?”Daphne raised her eyebrow

“Absolutely not, do not open those doors”you uttered out shaking your head as Daphne unfolded the double doors, revealing the crowd in the hall. You let out a growl as you walked past her, towards Violet.

Anthony's eyes widened as you stepped out, the pale blue lace and silk popping against your skin. The lace draping down around your waist, the silk clinging to all the right parts of you. He was not expecting this. He wasn’t expecting you, looking like that. An unfamiliar feeling washed over him as he realised what was happening. You were going out into society after years of avoiding it. You were to Marry.

He watched as his family, especially Eloise and Daphne, danced excitedly around you, admiring your new look. But Anthony's gaze then fixated on you, his eyes following your every move.

He clenched his jaw slightly, confused and conflicted emotions plagued his thoughts. You had grown up very quickly, no longer the annoying bestfriend to his sister but a mature and captivating lady.

For some reason Anthony had always been relieved that you chose not to join the rest of the Ton in the marriage market, telling himself that you were like a sister to him, and you were strong and independent, eager to think for yourself.

In truth, it was because he didn't want to witness men courting you and vying for your affection like vultures, he didn’t understand why the thought made him uneasy. But it did.

“Can I change my mind?”you pleaded to everyone, Violet letting out a small chuckle as she stepped forwards to adjust a loose hair that fell down your face.

“Yes can she?”His voice rang out, causing everyone to fall into a heavy silence, Anthony’s voice rang out clear as day, his sisters turning to face him with confused expressions, your head turned to him, the first time seeing him since you had moved your things in. Your gaze met his and his eyes never left you, even after everyone had been staring at him because of his sudden outburst.

Something about him was different, you had always thought that Anthony was handsome, but you would have rather died than let him know that. He already had most of the ladies in London falling to their knees, you would be a bonus ego boost for him having teased him for years. His brown hair had grown longer, his eyes full of adventure a twinkle residing there. He looked older, and more muscular. You snapped yourself out of the daze you had fallen into noticing that his gaze was still burning into yours.

“I uh- I mean why make haste if she wants to be a spinster for the rest of her life”he smirked covering his tracks, switching back to his usual insults towards you.

You rolled your eyes, narrowing them at him, you ignored the small smile that played on his mother’s lips as she watched the interaction between the two of you.

“Anthony Bridgerton, as charming as ever, shouldn’t you have been wed like five seasons ago?”you grinned menacingly, thankful that this conversation had calmed your nerves slightly. Eloise stifled a laugh as her older brother grumbled out a profanity under his breath.

“You know let’s hope you’re successful finding a suitable husband with that sharp tongue”he retorted before turning and disappearing into his room, slamming the door behind him.

“What is with him, he’s acting weird”Benedict groaned, Francesca nodding in agreement.

“He’s just snarly because y/n knows how to push his buttons”Daphne hummed out as she put the finishing touches to your dress.

“It’s taken many years of practice but I think I have managed to master the art”you curtseyed with a proud nod.

“Right children, we shan’t be late, the queen will faint if we don’t show on time, we always deliver every year so y/n do us proud”Violet took your hand in hers giving it a tight squeeze.

“I’ll go and get Anthony, there are three coaches outside waiting”Benedict briskly walked in the direction of his older brother.

“Y/n you must take the third carriage with Anthony, we have to keep your dress in pristine condition for your entrance, if you are seen with the Viscount it may deem you more desirable, not that you aren’t already, but it will help”Daphne ordered.

“Honestly Daph, I’m starting to believe you might actually hate me”you groaned, rolling your eyes once again at the thought of being left alone with Anthony when he was in one of his moods.

You sat in the carriage, starting to panic on your own for a little while whilst you waited for Anthony so you could be on your way, your breathing becoming laboured and short. The door finally flung open and the Viscount caught sight of you fanning the sweat from your face. He hesitated before entering, he couldn’t peel his eyes away from you as he watched you struggle.

“What are you staring at Bridgerton”you quipped out as the journey began, the carriage moving swiftly along with the horses.

"Just admiring the view, love," he replied with a smirk, sitting across from you. You ignored his back handed compliment, sure that he was just trying to get under your skin.

He watched you with an amused expression, but his gaze darkened slightly with concern. "You're not feeling unwell, are you?"

“If it means I don’t have to go through with this then yes I’m feeling extremely unwell”you blew air into your own face.

“I know you y/n y/l/n, I know this isn’t what you want”Anthony spoke out gently, a great difference to how he spoke to you earlier. He knew that this was not what you wanted, he also knew that this is not what he wanted either. Deep down in the depths of his ice cold heart. It was like a nagging feeling that he couldn’t get rid of, an itch that he couldn’t scratch. He didn’t know what it was he’d never felt this way before.

“I have no choice, I’m not like you I can’t just decide that I don’t want to get married, i certainly don’t have a love match, I’m not married into royalty, it’s time I faced the music and put my delusions of being independent to rest. If that means marrying someone just for convenience then so be it”You had lied to everyone else about why you had stepped forward to join the Society, but you had never lied to Anthony and you wouldn’t start now.

“And as much as it kills me I can’t hang around the Bridgerton house forever, if anything it’s a win win for everyone at least you get me out of your way so you can be broody In peace my lord”you offered him a genuine small smile.

A frown settled on his face as he listened to your words, he had always loved having you around, he would never tell a living soul that information. But every time you came to stay his life became more exciting. He would find himself purposely bumping into you during gatherings.

A mixture of emotions passed through Anthony's face as he absorbed your words. A part of him wanted to argue and convince you to stay, insisting that you weren’t a bother and that he didn’t want you gone. But he kept his mouth shut, his pride preventing him from showing any vulnerability. Instead, he leaned back against the seat, his expression unreadable.

“I suppose you have a point,” he finally said with a small forced chuckle. “It will be quieter around Bridgerton House without you constantly bickering with Eloise and I.”He teased, a hint of sadness lingering. He didn’t want this.

Your heart pounded in your chest as Anthony’s hand reached out to grasp yours unexpectedly, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through you. You tried to regain your composure, before anyone saw the interaction. His hand still holding yours.

The sound of music from the ball a few yards away had faded into the background as you looked up into his eyes, seeing a new and unexpected look in them. It was different from anything you had seen before, a mix of regret and something else you couldn’t quite place.

“Find me”he whispered.

“What?”you breathed out, your words barely leaving your lips.

“Find me if someone disrespects your honour, I know you get awfully anxious, if you feel like the earth is falling out from underneath your feet, I promise, I will drop everything. Find me”Anthony grew closer to you in the moment, your chest rising and falling faster as your eyes flickered between his.

Anthony's whispered words reached your ears, his tone serious. A part of you knowing that he was just willing to protect you because he thought of you as a younger sister, a part of you wanting it to be for a different reason.

Just as you were about to say something absolutely ludicrous the door was abruptly opened, your hands jumping out of each-others quickly. Feeling empty and cold as he exited the carriage, standing outside with his hand extended towards you.

You took a second revisiting everything he had just said to you. The two of you had deep conversations in the past, but nothing like this. Reaching out, your hands fitting together perfectly once again as Anthony gently helped you down from the carriage.

[sykeboy]

It's time to talk about the moms

With last week's and today's episode we got a good look at the different ways in which the moms reacted to the news that their daughters are in love w each other so lets take a peek shall we

I will start with this picture of our lovely lady Uang

On patriarcal societies the women are in charge of the reproductive labor which not only means giving birth but also to educate children on how to fall in line with the satus quo, women serve the patriarchy by teaching their children to follow it's rules. We are social engineers, we take care of the social events, the family gatherings, home related issues, etc.

We can see this throughout the series, the women are preparing the food, the ceremonies, they're taking care of their children, their husbands and each other. AND they're making sure the men's wishes are fullfilled: mostly we've seen this in terms of preparing their daughters to be married off to whomever their fathers or another man (Kuea for example) wishes

This is alienating for women because we reproduct a social order that causes us direct harm so in a way we are taught to hate ourselves

Now on to the moms

Patt reacts in an a very violent way, she lashes out at Pin for not abstaining herself from her dessires cause a woman is not suppossed to act on her own wishes according to Patt and to society

Aunt Patt has a lot of internalized shame and she thinks Pin should too. This is related to 3 factors: class, gender and sexuality

The one that seem to be closer to the surface for her is the one related to class. Patt is also adopted, she is the og Loyal Pin, she feels overly indebted to the royal family. She is also literally their servant, she serves them with her reproductive labor (as I explained it before), she is the beacon of womanhood, and she has taught Pin to be the same as her

So when Pin falls out of line this triggers her own unresolved issues. Patt must have been really troubled by her feelings towards Im, they go against all she believes in. She has learned that she is inferior, that she should be grateful for what she has and not to wish for more

Patt believes -as Pin does cause she thaught her- that sacrifice is the way in which a woman can gain some sense of control in a society that takes away our right to choose. This is a self fullfilling prophecy, one gives up on one's destiny and that gives you a false sense of control

Alissa on the other hand is not so present on Anin's life (and her father doesn't seem to be either), I would argue that this is one of the reasons why Anin is not so lady like, cause she's been said to be raised by her brother so she didn't have such a prevalent feminine role model

Anyways, this might have actually given her a little advantage in the sense that she had more freedom to figure her own identity out

Alissa is very surprised and afraid when Anin comes out, she is adamant on sticking to thai customs and rules. And she reminds Anin that her marrying another woman simply has no place in their context AND she reminds her that se must marry someone OF HER OWN RANK, just like Patt reminded Pin

Alissa isn't rude to Anin, she seems to tackle the issue in a very matter of factly manner, she even goes to keep her company every night after Anin moves back to the palace

Alissa also seems to be particularly worried about mantaining the monarchy intact and therefore, the social and cultural structure. She even tells Anin what worries her most is her potentially giving up her title

Once again, the moms roles in all of this are mainly related to those dictated by the reproductive labor that they must perform for the patriarchy, and today's episode is a constant reminder of that, not just for the moms but for all of our girls 😢

[myfairstarlight]

A Lover's Quill

AO3 Link.

Rated: M

Length: 2k

Pairing: Colin Bridgerton x Penelope Featherington

Canon Divergence

Based on my own post here, s1 AU in which a love letter is written instead of a scandalous gossip column...

This will be a multi-chaptered fic, but this first chapter can be read as a standalone. The whole story is already planned out! I'm not sure I will post every chapter on tumblr yet, but I will update on ao3 frequently as long as my life allows it.

Summary:

Dear Colin Bridgerton, As I understand it, this must be a farewell. Penelope’s fingers shake as she wraps them around her quill. Her eyes slide towards the crumpled pieces of paper scattered at the foot of her desk, wondering if such unrequited fantasy is even worth her tortured ink. Or. A s1 AU in which instead of a Whistledown column, Penelope writes a letter to Colin the night before he and Marina plan to elope.

*additional notes on ao3.

꧁༺࿅ིཽ• –– •❈• –– •࿅ིཽ༻꧂

Dear Colin Bridgerton,

As I understand it, this must be a farewell.

Penelope’s fingers shake as she wraps them around her quill. Her eyes slide towards the crumpled pieces of paper scattered at the foot of her desk, wondering if such unrequited fantasy is even worth her tortured ink.

I wish I had the courage to tell you what I am on the brink of revealing to your face, so forgive my cowardness for hiding behind a quill instead. These past few weeks have been full of agonising feelings, and ones I had to fully come to terms with before I could share them with you.

She pauses as she hears commotions outside her door. Servants are running up and down the estate in their haste to gather Marina’s belongings.

I must apologise, for my meddling regarding your and Marina’s courtship. It was not my place to dictate what either of you should do or should feel, even in my misguided belief that I was helping. I do believe that if one is lucky enough to be in love, well, one should declare it as loudly and fervently as you have done, claiming Marina’s hand in front of her many suitors.

She has shared with me your plans to elope to Gretna Green, I hope you do not fault her for divulging your secret. That way, I can wish you all the luck and happiness.

Penelope takes a deep breath. She knows the next words to be the hardest to put into paper and her fingers start to shake once more.

I must, once more, beg your forgiveness for my cowardness as I cannot bring myself to say those words in front of you. I truly do wish for your happiness, and yet I know the words would get lost between my heart and my mouth because there is another truth I could never speak into existence, for I knew it to be a meaningless affair.

I love you, Colin. I have loved you for many years before either of us even debuted in society. Perhaps from the moment we met, it is quite embarrassing really.

Nothing would ever come out of it, I was aware. But you deserve to know, and perhaps I also needed to admit it, to put it into the world, so I may now move on and seriously consider my prospects when I had been fighting them all season. I hope I can find a match that ignites the fire that bursts within your heart with Marina. I hope I will be as lucky one day.

I bid you farewell, my dearest friend.

Yours Truly,

Penelope Featherington.

To her surprise, the tears she feels building up in her eyes do not fall as she carefully folds the paper and seals the letter. When the wax solidifies, Penelope drops a kiss over the butterfly design.

She thinks of the ironic accuracy of her family’s symbol. Just like her heart, a butterfly will not live long once it takes flight, but at least it is free.

꧁༺࿅ིཽ• –– •❈• –– •࿅ིཽ༻꧂

Sneaking out to Bridgerton House is a familiar affair, Penelope is pretty sure Mrs Varley purposely looks away every time, a part of her cannot believe she truly is that invisible. The letter safely tucked in her bosom, she easily finds John, who looks at her with surprise and worry.

“Miss Featherington you should not—” he cuts himself off as Penelope thrusts the letter in his hand. “Ah. For Miss Eloise?”

“Mr Bridgerton,” Penelope corrects. “Colin, that is,” she clarifies, though John would know she barely ever speaks to Benedict outside of polite conversations and would have no reason to write to him. “Please make sure he receives it first thing in the morning. Is Eloise…?” She points towards the garden.

John nods, carefully putting the letter away. “Is everything alright, Miss?”

Penelope takes a deep breath. “You are aware of his plans, correct?”

“Indeed. I am to drive the carriage to the port.” A beat of silence. “For all that is worth, Miss, I do not think he is making a wise decision.”

She is not quite sure why, but servants have always felt comfortable gossiping in front of her, and even to her. Penelope will not complain, however.

“Well, it is not our place to say.”

“Is this letter not about that? Mr Bridgerton has always keenly listened to you.”

Penelope chuckles. “You flatter me, John. I do not think anyone has ever listened to me.”

But the Ton will gladly consume her every word, as long as it is put on paper. It would not have been worth losing Marina’s trust or breaking Colin’s heart, she thinks.

Although, a treacherous voice whispers in her mind, is it truly for the better, to keep silent? Though Colin believes himself in love, would it be enough to bear the burden of another man’s child? To feel the humiliation upon realising he was but a means to an end? And would Marina be able to live with herself? She has a good and kind heart, Penelope knows that to be true, but even the most beautiful souls can be pushed to cruel means when no other solution is within grasp.

Ultimately, Penelope thought, a couple of hours earlier when she decided against using her greatest weapon in Whistledown, this matter did not involve her. Marina is her cousin, Colin is her friend, but this issue only concerns them. Penelope has tried her best without breaking anyone’s trust, and she is at her limit. She cannot keep being the messenger.

And therefore, she has one more secret to divulge.

Curtseying in front of John — although she is aware she does not need to since he is a mere footman, she thinks it is still polite to do so — she ventures into the garden, to immediately find Eloise sitting at one of the swings. Their eyes meet, but Eloise does not move, nor does she scream at her to leave. So Penelope sits on the other swing.

“El.”

“Pen.”

The use of nicknames makes her smile.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“I’m sorry for not listening to you.”

A pause.

“However," Eloise huffs, "you were so wrong because you’re really pretty, Penelope, if only your mother did not have the most horrendous taste in gowns. Never speak of my best friend as such ever again!”

And just like that, they are friends again. Penelope could cry.

“There was another reason I did not wish to discuss Whistledown with you at the time,” she confesses. Eloise makes a questioning noise, a hand reaching for Penelope’s arm. Penelope squeezes it. “It is because I am Whistledown.”

There is a moment of silence as they stare at each other. For a moment, Penelope worries she won’t be believed. Who could imagine sharp and cunning Whistledown as the petite, two-stones-too-heavy Featherington girl? Eloise's grip has gone lax on her arm before suddenly the brunette girl brightens up.

“Of course!” she exclaims. “It makes so much sense! My best friend, the cleverest woman feared by the Ton!”

Penelope blinks, taken aback, before giggling at her friend’s pure excitement. “Eloise! You exaggerate.”

“Oh, you must tell me how you managed such a fit! And do I get the exclusive before anyone else now?”

Penelope smiles and nods enthusiastically, holding Eloise's hands preciously between hers.

If she must say goodbye to her love, at the very least she will always have Eloise and frankly, it is as good, if not better.

“But say, is it still true? Do you wish to marry even though you have such a gem within your hands?” Eloise asks, her voice gone soft. “You could be entirely independent, you do not need a man.”

Penelope lets out a forlorn sigh. “I still wish for it, although I very much doubt I ever will.”

꧁༺࿅ིཽ• –– •❈• –– •࿅ིཽ༻꧂

John has never been one to care for his employers’ affairs. When the other members of the staff start to gossip, he tends to turn his head and not listen, out of respect. This season has truly tested his limits, however, between Miss Bridgerton, now Duchess of Hastings, debuting, and Mr Bridgerton, the youngest — bar little Gregory — getting so unexpectedly engaged.

And of course, the now notorious Lady Whistledown who rose from the shadows seemingly out of nowhere, stirring up society for being such a bold and yet secretive woman. Gossip had become an inherent part of everyday life, more so than it already was. Whistledown held up a mirror in the Ton’s face to heighten the whispers, and so the Ton speaks even louder because they love to look at themselves.

All that to say, John cannot help but be curious. Miss Penelope’s letter feels heavy. Not literally, of course, but the metaphorical weight of it feels monumental. It is as if he failed to deliver it in time, the world would not be turning on its axis any longer. There was a quiet resignation on the young lady’s face, so far from the warmth she usually bears. In truth, when he heard that Miss Penelope had debuted early and that Mr Colin Bridgerton was courting someone, John, much like the rest of the staff, had assumed she was the one he was courting. There was obvious affection between them, of a sweet and innocent kind, rare in its beauty, and everyone believed they would follow the path Lady Bridgerton and her late husband followed, finding true love at a young age in each other. Alas, perhaps it was only wishful thinking.

And again, it does not concern John, he is merely the messenger — or the driver.

Even so, he decides he would rather not wait. He is aware most of the family is still awake, including the very Bridgerton he is in search of. He finds him brooding in the library, a likely place for him to be, fidgeting by the window.

“Sir,” John says, startling the young man who almost drops the book he was holding. “A missive, for you.”

“A missive?” Colin repeats, intrigued and wary.

“From Miss Penelope, sir,” John clarifies, giving him the letter. He sees the moment Colin's shoulders relax, and his eyes bear a spark of happiness at the sound of her name.

Ah. Foolish youth.

“Right. Thank you, John.”

John nods, bows, then takes his leave. It seems this social season, although coming to its end, will still be full of surprises.

And if it prevents him from waking at the breaks of dawn the next day, he will not be complaining.

(A mere hour later, he catches Colin sneaking out of the house and running across the square. John suspects a new scandal shall befall this family in the morning.)

[melanieph321]

ruben x reader where the reader graduates from law school so ruben and the reader celebrate with sex?

Do you think Ruben can dance? I think he can dance.

Either way this was a happy request but I turned it into a Ruben angst (no sex). Hope you'll still enjoy it . ❤️

Ruben Dias x Reader - Dream a little dream

Enjoy!

You should be greatful, you thought. You should be greatful that you've graduated from law school with honors. You should be greatful that all your hard work finally payed off. You should be greatful that you have amazing friends and a boyfriend who's stuck with you every step of the way.

"You okay babe?" Ruben diverged his eyes from the road to look at you. You sat in the passenger seat of his car dressed in your graduation gown and a law school diploma clenched between your hands.

"I'm fine." You said, realizing that you hadn't heard your own voice since you stepped on the stage to thank your professors. "Just tired."

Ruben nodded. "We're almost home. I'm just gonna pick up somthing for us to eat."

Despite the many things to be greatful for in your life, there was still a sense of emptiness. A void that couldn't be filled nor replaced by any other being than your parents.

"Ruben?" You asked, voice low.

He turned to you again, keeping a slight eye on the road ahead "Yes?"

"Could we make a stop at Terrace Road?"

He raised a brow. "You sure?"

You nodded. "I'll be quick."

Terrace Road was one of the rougher neighborhoods in the city, where people like drunks, addicts and criminals roamed the streets.

"Dad?"

Your dad was one of them, he was one of those people casted out of society.

"Dad?"

Ruben dropped you off in front of a run down building, it's main attraction was the bar located at the corner of it. The bar was partly empty when you entered, your dad however, had a seat reserved for him at the bar.

"D/N?"

His hunshed back figure shifted as you called him by name. Many heads were already turned your way after walking into the bar, high heels and dressed in full graduation attire.

"I tried sending you an invitation." You said, waving your diploma for your dad to see, however, he wasn't there. You recognized the eyes looking back at you but the man you once called dad was long gone, devoured by depression and drowning in alcohol.

"Your landlord said you moved tho. Where did you move to?"

You took the seat next to him in the bar. This reminded you of your last visit with your father. That was three years ago. He had been unresponsive back then too.

"I went to the cemetery." You said, pausing, to see his reaction. It was nothing though. He had stopped looking at you and kept his eyes ahead of him, distant from reality, gone forever.

"It looks nice, thier graves." You wiped a tear that had run down your cheek. "Do you go to see them sometimes?"

This summer would be exactly ten years since you lost your mother and little brother in a tragic car accident. Your dad had been driving them home after a walk along River Medlock. They were on their way to pick you up from football training. You remember that day as one of your worst, because no one ever came to pick you up from training and no one ever would again. About five years post the tragic event your dad started seeking comfort in alcohol. A part of you blamed your self for this because that was around the time you went away to law school.

"Dad?"

It was to no use. Perhaps he had forgotten the sound of your voice altogether. The only parent you had was gone but not dead. For some reason you saw no difference in that.

"Dad,  I'm going now." You stood. Perhaps this would be the last time you'd come to visit. It was getting to painful to do it.

"Whatever he needs, give it to him." You said, handing the bartender a bundle of cash. She gave you a sympathetic smile, pocketing the money.

You turned your heels, ready to walk out of your father's life forever, when...

"Your mother..."  He said.

You didn't dare to turn your back and look at him, however, that was his voice.

"Your mother would be proud." He said, words clear as day to you, but perhaps inaudible to anyone else in the bar.

Your lips trembled. "Thank you."

Picking up your steps, walking out of the bar.

You remember crashing into something warm and solid, Ruben, who stood waiting for you by his car. He could have said I told you so, he could have said that coming back here was a stupid idea, but all he did was hold you, letting you cry in his arms.

You came home and took a bath.  Ruben had bought all your favorite foods from a local restaurant that you loved, however you had no appetite, all you wanted was for this day to be over, a day you would remember that no matter how much you achieved in life there was no one left in your family to witness it.

"Look what I found."

You left the bathroom with a towel wrapped around your head. You paused on your way to your bedroom, seeing Ruben on the floor, an old vinyl record in his hand.

"What is it?" You frowned.

Ruben always had a thing for collecting old records. Somthing you learned after the two of you first got together.

"It's Ella Fitzgerald." He said, holding up the vinyl disc. "Let's listen to her."

"Ruben I don't..."

You were really not in the mood. Usually you would love listening to his old records and dance around the living room. But right there, right now, all you wanted to do was go to bed.

"Stars shining bright above you..."

Then a wonderful voice sparked through the record player, capturing your heart in an instance.

"Night breezes seem to whisper I love you..."

"She's good, no?" Ruben stood from the floor and approached you.

"Birds singin' in the sycamore trees..."

"Yes." You said, taking the hand that Ruben was offering you.

"Dream a little dream of me...."

He pulled you close and started swaying you around the living room.

"Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me..."

"I'm proud of you, you know that right?"

"For graduating. Thank you." You allowed your head to rest against his shoulder.

"Dream a little dream of me...."

"No." He chuckled. "For still thinking of your family, wanting to visit them."

"I don't have a family." You muttered.

"Stars fading but I linger on, dear...."

Ruben pulled you back with a surprised look in his eyes. "No? What am I then?"

"Ruben." You sighed. "You're...You're..."

"Yes?"

"Still craving your kiss..."

"What she said."

"What?"

The voice of Ella still belted out around you, filling the apartment with a sense of peace and love.

"You're my home Ruben. My only home."

"Y/N." He pulled you close, your head surrendering to his comforting shoulder.

"Say I'm your home too." You said, hands digging into the hem of his shirt.

"Your my home." He whispered. "My everything and my home."

Slowly he swayed your body to the music, you sniffles muffled up against his shoulder. Life wasn't perfect but with Ruben it was good enough to go on.

"Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you

But in your dreams, whatever they be

Dream a little dream of me...."

[cinefairy]

move with love, not hate.

you cannot hate the person you are now to become the person you want to be.

often times we are our worst critics, we criticise everything about ourselves from the way we talk, walk and move around in the world.

we do this because we think we are not up to par with our peers and the people around us or what social media thinks society should behave like. i know personally for me i would set out a certain high standard for myself and whenever i failed to reach that standard i would just be absolutely cruel to myself.

this brought me nothing i wasn’t doing well mentally and i wasn’t doing well physically because i had battered myself with cruel words. hating myself was one of the worst things i ever done to myself. i ended up treating myself like someone who didn’t deserve love, respect and warmth when in fact i did deserve all those things (and still do).

and its not like i didn’t try to be happy & love myself, i tried many times. i looked deeply at myself in the mirrors trying to force myself. but thats the thing, i was forcing myself. would someone who truly loves themselves force it? no, self-love flows through effortlessly, without trying its a beautiful thing that doesn’t need to be forced but expressed naturally.

it was like a battle in my mind, i was fighting with myself. i never accepted, i never let go i was holding tightly to my own self-hatred and even more so i was hating myself for not getting better. for not thriving like others, i think i was so upset and hurt that i just wanted to continue fighting with myself. it was the only response i knew in stressful situations, it was like a reflex response.

it wasn’t until i made the decision to continue, despite it all where things started to look up for me. no i didn’t go on a rampage of self-love affirmations but instead i accepted myself as i am.

i accepted the things i was pushing down and hiding away from. i accepted that im not like other people and that everyone including me is on different journeys in their lives. theres no point in me comparing.

i accepted my messy and “unpolished” self. i accepted that i have crazy emotions that can override my rational self. i cant be horrible to myself over stuff like that i can only grow and be kinder.

“yes maya, right now you are messy, right now you are going up & down and living with a ton of emotions. that is what a normal human being is like.” — A snippet from my diary in February, 2020.

YES YOU ARE A HUMAN, YES YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. AND YOU ARE BOUND TO MAKE MORE MISTAKES. YES YOU HAVE FAILED. MANY, MANY TIMES. BUT THAT STILL ISNT A VALID REASON TO GIVE UP ON LIFE.

with this new acceptance i was finally able to let go with the old self. it didnt bring me down, i wasn’t holding onto it. it felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, it felt like i can finally be free. that im no longer in the shackles of my past, i released it and with that release came a new person evolving.

once i made this decision, i treaded lightly with myself. when things went wrong i wouldn’t immediately jump to dispute hate onto myself. when i implanted love in my routine i saw myself changing therefore the world around me was changing.

this new-founded acceptance allowed me to bring in pockets of love, i loved how i still had a long journey ahead of me. i loved how i still have so much time to grow. i loved how i can still have setbacks in my life but get up every morning and try again. i loved how the option of starting again and finding myself was always available.

hate brings nothing good, love brings all. love brings new meanings, new memories, new soul adventures, new ways to find things that you really love. new people. its a beautiful thing that we can all experience deeply.

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers : 1x07 Ocean's Apart (Part 3)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

The Queen's Luncheon

The family is back together again (except, you know, for Francesca, but who's really paying attention....) Violet seems genuinely happy to be out in society with 7/8ths of her children.

Colin snarks that they should tempt scandal more often -- and I mean, he might be in a pissy mood, but I appreciate he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

I don't really ever get to talk about Lady Danbury, but she has a moment where she talks to Daphne about how her plan of showing up and, idk, being there? is helping no one talk about Colin and Marina. Sure. Okay. I still don't really get these society rules. But if Daphne is now the A-List celebrity kicking the c-tier out of the tabloids, then okay. Lol but mostly, I just like Lady Danbury and wanted to say that.

It is twenty minutes into the episode and this is our first bit of Penelope. And look how gorgeous this girl is, my god. She's got such a beautiful smile.

Anyway... not a long scene, but there are some key elements going on.

For one, the Featheringtons have caused quite a stir showing up. Ooff, the ton is not happy about them trying to foist a pregnant girl onto a Bridgerton. The nerve.

Secondly, Eloise whisks Penelope away -- it's nice that they're friends again. I love that Eloise is so concerned for her, and wants to make sure Penelope is okay, and there's this real moment of care and affection from Eloise to Pen. Eloise is so caught up in Eloise-land half the time that she doesn't always notice what's going on with Penelope, but she does still very much care.

Pen is good about it -- and (unsurprisingly) only concerned about Colin and how he's doing. (It's like she cares about him or something, idk...;) ) And it's fascinating at how dismissive Eloise is of it -- saying his ego's bruised, but the men are usually fine in this. And, I mean, she's not wrong. Look - I'm not downplaying Colin or his right to have feelings, because I think he should have feelings, and it's good that -- unlike so many other men in this universe, he expresses those feelings.

But I can also see it from Eloise's POV, too -- Colin is the one who, from a society perspective, gets off the easiest here. He will be fine, he's protected by his gender and by his family name. Whereas the Featheringtons, who are already somewhat outcasts to begin with, are bearing some truly awful treatment from society.

And then we get into Lady Whistledown, and I always love these conversations, because there's always another layer once you know that Penelope is LW. Eloise reports that people think she's gone too far this time -- and Pen looks away, because she knows it was a risky thing doing what she did. But interestingly, she reminds Eloise that Eloise was once LW's biggest admirer.

And Eloise really steps into her friendship, saying that LW has gone too far when she smears the name of her greatest friend. And Pen is genuinely moved by this. And Eloise also promises that when they find out LW's identity - a retraction will be made, and they'll restore the Featherington name. And Pen is just - she's so happy that Eloise is so dear to her. It's really heartwarming when these two can have such beautiful moments together.

Meanwhile, The Featheringtons are going to get kicked out of the luncheon. Ooff.

Cressida is going to be snarky about it - but Daphne puts her in her place, and really she should learn not to fuck with the Featheringtons (or the Bridgertons) because it will not end well for her.

[I should also point out - the Marina storyline takes a detour with Daphne getting involved to find George Crane. It's nice that the two storylines converge at this point, but neither Colin or Pen are involved at this particular point, so I'm skipping over it.]

Searching for Lady Whistledown

One storyline that I've mostly been neglecting to talk about (and is probably my favorite Season 1 storyline) is Eloise searching for Lady Whistledown. She's gotten in so deep that she's been asked by the Queen to track her down, and the Queen is now threatening Eloise if she doesn't start giving results, so Eloise is pushing all in on it.

Of course, now that she and Pen are doing alright again (interesting their little tiff in episode 5? goes unspoken about -- but I mean, they're such great friends that sometimes you get into fights and let it go because the friendship means more, you know?)

Anyway, Eloise has enlisted Pen's help in going over all the data... (which is kind of funny - as Pen is just enjoying herself watching Eloise spin in circles while the culprit is sitting right there!)

It's clever, really, the Penelope can give so much and so little away at the same time. She managed to not have the whole Marina thing tracked back to her -- shifting the focus onto the servants who (as we saw early on in the series) all gossip. Eloise has ruled out servants, but who isn't ruled out? Tradespeople! So there are new leads and new possibilities!

Also, the end of this scene is... odd, in that all it's really doing is setting up Eloise going to an opera, even though she's not out. I mean, the only reason Pen says what she says is to get Eloise to go be in the next scene so that Eloise can have a scene with the Queen. It's... a tiny bit awkward. But eh, I guess I'll just throw it to - Penelope wanting Eloise to enjoy being in society, since she's already stuck there.

And then the ending of the scene, where Penelope is meh about restoring the family name (I mean, the girl knows her family is a mess even without scandal) and laments having to sneak out the back way so not to be scene. (The amount of times this girl sneaks in and out of this house, I mean really...ten bucks says she sneaks past Colin's room on her way out.)

But anyway, on her way out, she does thank Eloise. She really is grateful to have such a great friend. And even if she knows that LW really can't be revealed, at least she has satisfaction in knowing there is at least one person in the world who truly cares about her and her well being.

[Also, as an aside, towards the end of the episode - Eloise is going to reflect on this conversation, and in kind of a brilliant misdirection, she's going to come up with the idea that Madame Delacroix could be LW.]

An Apology

Another Colin and Anthony scene! And you know what, I know. I know I know I know that this show is supposed to be about the romances, and I mean, I cannot wait to get to season 3 and really dig into Pen and Colin, we'll get there.

But I adore the sibling scenes. I really do. It's a big draw for me. And I just don't think there are enough ABC brother scenes in general. (God, I hope there are more in Season 4...anyway...) This little scene is a just a really nice mirror to the scene where Anthony reprimanded Colin a couple episodes earlier.

What is Colin up to at the beginning of this scene? It looks like a map? Colin is going to spend his evening bunkering down and really getting his travel plans in order, because now that he has no reason to stay, there's nothing holding him back from going...

Here's the thing about Colin and traveling. I do genuinely think, as a part of his personality, that he does enjoy the idea behind traveling - of seeing the world and seeing what's out there. But I think a big component to Colin's travels is that he is looking for something. What is that thing? His purpose? His place in this world? His reason for being? The answers to life's greatest mysteries? All of the above?

He is the third son -- Anthony has role as leader of the family and his duties to the Bridgerton estate. Benedict is the 'spare' but also is finding himself through artistic pursuits. Colin doesn't have the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. But so he is looking elsewhere to give his life some meaning.

The somewhat funny thing about Colin traveling, though, is what he's searching for is right where he left it. He just doesn't know it yet.

But! I do think traveling (both times) is really good for him. Seeing the world does open it up, and gives you new experiences, and lets you see the world in ways you've never seen it before. And (in both cases) it's going to help him grow up a bit. (It's also going to give him the opportunity to really fall in love again -- but he also doesn't know that yet...)

Here's the other thing about this moment... Colin isn't going to the concert because he isn't feeling up to it. He's still very much in his feelings, and when Colin is in his feelings, he retreats. Big time. (It is another reason he's traveling, too, to make an escape.) Not that he shouldn't be, his heart has been very much shattered and things like that do need time to get over.

But it's just another character trait that has been firmly set up in this season that's going to end up magnified in Season 3.

And, omg, I've barely gotten into the scene, lol...

Anthony hands over an apology drink (lol) and Colin starts getting snarky again - locusts in the street? is it the endtimes? what is happening?? Again - I love that Colin retains a sense of humor and a bit of sass. The boy may be wallowing, but he hasn't lost his cheekiness that gives him his charm.

Anthony, to his credit, doubles down on a sincere apology. And Colin becomes self deprecating again -- acknowledging that Anthony was trying to 'protect' him from his foolishness. (And Colin does seem to recognize that jumping so quickly into an engagement was somewhat foolish, even if it's going to take him a while to really get over Marina.)

And I love Anthony's banter back -- ribbing Colin about being foolish. Because it's such a sibling response. And there little banter back and forth -- again such siblingness! And I love it. Love that this show doesn't back away from balancing sincerity with levity and the push and pull that comes with real sibling dynamics.

And then Anthony becomes somewhat prophetic. He's speaking to Colin as if he was speaking to himself, saying that a broken heart will indeed mend, and at some point in the future, you'll barely remember her name. Because Anthony is in the same place Colin is -- nursing his hurt over Siena, and it occupies all of his thoughts. But pretty soon, we'll be in Season 2, and Anthony will discover Kate. And Colin will travel and (somewhat unknowingly) start a correspondence with his future wife. And the names Siena and Marina will be flickering memories of things that seem odd were once a big deal.

The other thing that Anthony does is such a sweet, big brother thing -- he reaffirms that, in the wake of it all, reassure Colin that his family loves him. Which is a big deal - because not everyone (as we'll see) will have families to rely on, but the Bridgertons are a unit, one that unconditionally supports each other, and that's a huge thing.

He also minds Colin that he has the honor of his actions. Which is an important thing to Colin. He has Anthony's respect and that means something.

The scene ends with Colin's empathetic side (as shown through brotherly teasing) coming out -- as Colin asks Anthony how is own advice is working. They may have not directly discussed it, but Colin must know about Siena, and must know that Anthony is also in pain. Anthony doesn't know how it'll play out... but we do, as we know what's coming :D

As we're nearing the end of the season this scene is most definitely setting up the future for our characters, a laying the ground work that even if these story lines are coming to a close, better things are most definitely on the horizon.

[Also - I kind of enjoy the fact that these two are going to spend the evening drinking and being miserable together. Kinda wished we got to see these shenanigans more so than the Simon/Daphne drama, but ah, I suppose that's what fanfic is for]

A Special Cocktail

The episode is going to end with Marina making herself a special potion -- of what? We won't know until the next episode. And Penelope is going to find her! Oh no, the drama! I do like how much Penelope cares, though. Even though they've done nothing between Penelope and Marina since their last exchange where Marina was a bit cruel to her, Penelope doesn't want her dead. And does want her to be okay.

Anyway, it's so weird not to have Penelope featured that much in the episode -- she was barely in it, and her story line didn't really progress at all.

But - with this (and Daphne's dramatic reveal of not being pregnant), we're crashing into the finale!

[Also, huh, it is fascinating that they're paralleling Daphne and Marina's storylines here -- both women wish for the opposite - Daphne wishing she was pregnant, Marina wishing she wasn't, and neither are getting their wish. It's some good storytelling technique here. Shame I don't necessarily care about either of these stories that much. But I can appreciate good storytelling when it's happening. Bravo show, bravo.]

On to episode 8! Whooo! (I'm happy - I'm so ready to move beyond season 1)

[cmrosens]

Worldbuilding notes for queer normative fantasy societies... I have a lot of thoughts about this so here are some notes and questions around 3 of the main ones I have been thinking about recently.

1. How many different structures of formally recognised relationships are there outside of the monogamous spouse version?

If you want a society where relationships themselves are queered, moving away from a monogamous default, think about different forms of union and commitment and whether these can be legally recognised and what the legal/civil ramifications are.

Who recognises these relationships? What is the legal process to get them recognised? If there is no legal process then are we looking at a society where taxes are a communal responsibility and not levelled at individuals?

Is there freedom of movement and if so how much is affordable and feasible - does this have a bearing on queer people even in a queer normative world? What happens if the village is very small and has 3 queer people in it none of whom really like each other? Where do you go to find a partner if you can't travel far?

If the society thinks arranged marriages are normal and there is no concept of marrying for love, and no expectation of attraction only reasonable companionship, and you can have multiple spouses/formal partners for political reasons and to unite families (perhaps to formally team up and spread the cost of those communal taxes, etc) then you may end up with the situation of lots of different relationship structures and someone married off finally coming out as straight, and their formal partner wingmanning them to find someone else to be with.

2. Inheritance law and family connections

In a queer normative society, it would make sense for both biological kids and adopted or fostered kids to be equally accepted and no distinction drawn between them. This has extensive knock-on effects for how society is structured and

Legitimacy may not even mean anything in a society with multiple relationship structures. So how does this all work legally and socially and culturally and politically and economically?

First off: does it matter who your parents are and whether you have a firm grasp of your personal genealogy, or would people just give up on all that because it gets so muddy.

E.g.::::

"I am Bran son of Brom" means nothing when you actually mean, "I am Bran, my mother Ceris was the wife of Carl and she carried me to term and Brom didn't impregnate her, that was Roan, partner of Brom, but to be fair it might also be Carl because we can't really be sure on the timing there, and then Ceris and her other partner Sara both nursed me as a baby and then as a kid it was decided I would have more opportunities in life if I went to live with Brom and Roan and learned their trade, and then Brom as the higher earner and the one contributing most to the communal taxes thought he should be the one to formally adopt me, even though I still mostly lived with Ceris and Carl and Sara until I was 16, because then I would inherit more and be able to pursue a different career path and have money to travel, so when I say I am Bran son of Brom I mean only in the technical legal sense".

It also makes no sense here to say, "I am Bran son of Brom" and erase Ceris, Sara, Carl and Roan from that picture of yourself, particularly if the society is not patriarchal and therefore less likely to reckon lineage in a strict patrilineal way.

In this example, the implications of saying, "I am Bran son of Brom" are that you don't KNOW who your other connections are and you have had a childhood lacking in all the other communal connections others have had. You only know Brom. Were you hermits, living apart from society in a lonely, mountainous region somewhere? That would make sense. But people might still look at you once you say "I am Bran son of Brom" and wait a bit and then be like, "...Brom, and...??"

Like you wouldn't say that. You would instead say something like, "I am Bran of Seven Oaks" because the place is what everyone has in common, or you might say "I am Bran, of the Seven Oaks community" if the people are more important than their location.

Or would communities like this have their own assigned name, if not based on location, then on something else? A symbol or glyph that represents different groups and people adopt this glyph when they enter into a new community, but keep records of the previous ones they have been connected to until there is a whole string of glyphs after their name as a shorthand record of their entire network of relationships? Is this marked on their skin or on some item they wear? Formally inscribed in ledgers and public records?

Do these glyphs appear as a straight line, a row or column, or is there a cobweb or star shape with different sections/points meaning different things, and these symbols/glyohs/letters or whatever are placed in the web or star points?

That might be a cool item of jewellery with things carved on beads and beads added to it, or a massive back tattoo that gets added to all the time until for some it covers their whole body like a map of all the people they have connected with in some official way through their entire lives, especially if you adopt a kid and add in that kid's connections that are now connected to you.

How would people react to those with very few beads and few connections? Would they treat them with pity or with suspicion? What is the story of "Bran son of Brom"??

3. Patriarchy vs Matriarchy vs ....????

First, let's not pretend Matriarchy is a utopia. It is the same thing as patriarchy except women are in charge, and is equally as toxic in terms of structure. A society where 50% of citizens are subject to gender-based power structures is not a good one regardless of which gender is in charge.

Also, this still presents the normative of a gender binary, so you would still have structural oppression of genders who do not conform to or are perceived to undermine that binary. Up to you if your society is like that, but one to consider.

Also if we are talking about a queer normative society with one of those "gender plague" situations so everyone with an X or Y chromosome is dead, trans people and non binary people would still exist, still presenting in the applicable way. Intersex people would still exist, and people who present as "the sex that doesn't get the plague" may still contract it and die of it if you have it linked to chromosomes, because unless you do chromosomal testing you won't always know to look at someone what they have. So there is all that to think about.

Eliminating all cis men from a society doesn't actually get rid of men or masc-presenting people, but it does open things up for a less binary society in general.

If we aren't playing with dodgy science, and we have a queer normative society but you do want to explore some hierarchical structures within it, there are lots of other ways you can do that unrelated to gender.

In fact it doesn't make sense for this fantasy society in the "Bran son of Brom" example to have "gender roles" at all, so what is the internal family structure like in terms of power balance? Is this more about dominant personality vs democracy (just because you agree one person is in charge means nothing in practice if there is a more charismatic option that undermines this elected choice). Is it to do with earning power? If things are decided at communal meetings, who chairs them and why? What is the knock on logical effect on society on a larger scale?

So much stuff to think about there tbh

[ranchthoughts]

thinking about Pat, Pran, and competition

Pat and Pran being competitive is a cornerstone of their relationship: they battle academically, they tease one another constantly, they fight physically, and they even officially get together through a bet. Pat and Pran have grown up with so much competition in their lives it makes sense that it would remain part of their dynamic, albeit with different contexts and meanings (i.e, as fun foreplay).

Pat and Pran were pitted against each other as kids, and then in university once again found themselves on opposite sides of a rivalry between their two faculties. However, the competition between the two of them has never involved feelings of genuine hatred. They maintained a fairly friendly relationship through childhood (they spoke to each other through tin cans, they were in a band and wrote a song together, etc.), and in university they pretty quickly started working together to keep their faculties peaceful and had limits on how far they'd go when fighting (Pat promised Pa he wouldn't physically hurt Pran). Pat says it himself in episode 6: despite being forced to compete against Pran every day of his life, he could never hate him. Competing was something they did - something they went through - together.

Competition is somewhat of a safe space for Pran and Pat - it is what they know, it is how they know to interact. Moreover, the first time they openly did not compete/worked together (writing and performing the song in high school), Pran was sent away. Pran says "When we are together [i.e., not competing], bad things happen." Competing is safer/more possible than not competing, because not competing is not sustainable with the families they have. This expresses itself in multiple ways: Pat and Pran pretending to fight at school, Pat and Pran not interacting at home, etc, but I wanted to highlight one particular aspect of their dynamic where this angle of competition is present:

Pran and Pat talk constantly about what they owe to each other. Pat owes Pran because he saved Pa all those years ago. When Pat tries to repay him, for example by offering to be the one who moves out, Pran refuses him. @dudeyuri wrote about this dynamic here: Pran uses competition and the excuse of "You Owe Me" to keep Pat in his life. He can't be Pat's friend because their families wouldn't allow that, and he definitely can't be his boyfriend, but Pran cares for Pat too much to lose him from his life completely. At the same time, Pran doesn't want to admit how desperately he wants Pat in his life (with Pran's feelings that would be too revealing), so he uses this competitive concept of owing something, of not being repaid satisfactorily, to keep Pat in his life. We talk about people inventing "intricate rituals" which give plausible deniability for things they ordinarily could not do or should not want in society (see this piece by artist Barbara Kruger) - Pat and Pran construct intricate rituals of debt to keep one another in their lives and intricate rituals of competition to allow themselves to pursue things they ordinarily would not dare to (e.g., using the Bet to flirt with each other). Speaking of the Bet, @telomeke-bbs (x) and @inventedfangirling (x, x) have has already written about how Pat utilized the competition of the Bet to get Pran comfortable with expressing his feelings and courting/being courted, and how he probably got the idea from Pran himself. Once again, competition is a safe space, a familiar space, for Pran and Pat.

This connects to another idea I've been tossing around: Pat and Pran are fluent in each other. They know each other very well and they rarely have to verbalize things explicitly to be understood (I talked about that with regards to the ep. 5 rooftop scene here). Pran and Pat's competitiveness is another example of this; to another couple, constant competition would take its toll (we see this a bit with Phupha and Tian in the Our Skyy 2 crossover episodes, for example), but to Pat and Pran, it's an important part of their puzzle. They've been living in this competitive dynamic since they were young, and they know each other's limits. For example, when Pran overhears Ming's comments and Pat is immediately concerned for him (see here), or how Pat and Pran keep their flirting with others (Ink and Wau) lighthearted despite trying to invoke jealousy in the other, and when it is too much, like when Pat gets hurt that Pran gave Wai his guitar to look after, the other realizes and reaches out to make amends. @thegayneurodivergentagenda points out a further example - despite competing and teasing Pran all the time, Pat always celebrates Pran's wins. The Bet, and how it utilizes competition, is another example of how well Pat and Pran know each other. Pat knows something competitive like that is the best way to get Pran engaged and feeling at ease.

Despite these shared experiences of competition, Pat and Pran have different relationships to competition. Both of them were pushed to be the best by their parents, but the differences in their parents and their personalities means they reacted to this upbringing and internalized it differently. Pran's parents wanted him to succeed (and to beat Pat), but in many ways this jived with his perfectionist, detail-oriented personality. Pat, on the other hand, was pushed to succeed by a father who had specific ideas of what success [and masculinity] looked like (fierce, excelling in contact sports and academic, a leader, etc.) which didn't necessarily suit Pat's personality (he is soft, clingy, loves to be cared for and to care for others, etc. - see @kattahj's thoughts here). We see how much easier it is, comparatively, for Pat to break free of his father's expectations and control: in the Our Skyy 2 episodes we learn that Ming is not very involved in Pat's life and Pat doesn't care what he thinks, and in episode 12 we saw how distant and strained Pat's relationship is with Ming (see @grapejuicegay's post on Pat and his father here, and @miscellar and others' here). Pran, meanwhile, stays closer to his mother and deeper under her influence for longer - in the Our Skyy 2 episodes he talks about how involved she is in his life (and there are a number of reasons for this, including his own personality, him being an only child, etc., as well as the similarities between his mother's dreams for him and his own).

For Pat, competing has never been something he was oriented towards naturally, so it is easier for him to remove the drive to win and the angst of competition to just enjoy the fun and sexiness of it all. Pat tells us he always lets his lover win - competing is, to him, a chance to demonstrate love. And how fitting for Pat that the clearest way he knows to show his love is to acquiesce - he's had the need to win hammered into his head from childhood, so of course to him the greatest thing you can do for someone you love is to give up the win. And of course that's how he interacts with people he loves, when the person he's loved since childhood (unknowingly or not) has been that person he was supposed to beat (see @transpat's beautiful post about Pat, Pran, and haq here).

For Pran, competition is encoded a bit deeper into his personality, so it retains a bit of an edge. And once again, that makes sense. Pran's personality is more suited to perfectionism and the drive to succeed, and Pran's been relying on competition as a way and a reason to keep his feelings for Pat at bay. Pat is delighted to be able to cede, while Pran is not at that point yet: he still has a desire to win, to prove himself as competent, which provides friction and hesitation in his relationship with Pat (we see him wrestling with this over the course of the Our Skyy 2 episodes). Despite this, competition remains something Pat and Pran do together, and Pran is slowly learning to let himself relax into it, to show vulnerability, especially as they begin to build themselves a life where competition is on their own terms.

Competition for Pat and Pran becomes a way to resolve or work through tensions (see Pat and Pran competing to see who can get Phupha's signature of approval on the architecture play first, which quickly becomes a cooperative effort - @miscellar details that here), or a way to demonstrate love and understanding of the other (see Pran challenging Pat to prove his love by publicly claiming him, something Pat has been longing to do - @dudeyuri details that here).

In @miscellar's post on episode 12, they defined Pat and Pran's ethos as "they don’t win or lose when they compete. they compete because they love each other and the result doesn’t matter," and in another post @miscellar says "competing is their love language and it’s how they kept each other in their lives, and in that sense competing is also a promise between them". For a long time, Pat and Pran had been competing but not really winning. While the competition forced by their parents did provide them with a powerful shared experience, it also kept them apart and unhappy. Pran and Pat kept up another competition of sorts, a You Owe Me type of relationship where they would never actually declare a winner or an end, because the point wasn't to settle a debt but rather to provide an excuse for staying in one another's lives. Then they started another competition, the Bet, one where they knew from the beginning there could be no winner because they had both already lost and the point was to provide a safe space to explore their budding relationship. Furthermore, all of these competitions required cooperation to keep up: Pat and Pran had to pretend to fight in front of friends and family, they had to pretend there are still unresolved debts, they had to pretend they didn't know that the Bet has been lost from the start. Competing means committing to the Bit, and committing to the Bit is something that brings Pat and Pran together. For Pran and Pat, competition has always been a means of connection.

[name-6775]

Here is the second part of my kotlc list of quotes:

Keeper of the lost cities - Neverseen:

“Sometimes rebellion is the only course of wisdom” - Oralie

“And someday they’ll see that. In the meantime, please try to remember that there’s a difference between hiding by choice and hiding from fear. You should never be afraid of who you are” - Della

“We will never be more than a few words away” - Grady & Edaline

“All it takes is one to stand where others fall” - Calla

“You are a sprout, fighting to take root among the rocks of our world. It’s going to cause a few cracks, but that is the only way for you to grow strong” - Calla

‘I will do everything in my power to help my world’

“Glad you made the right choice” - Collective

“This was my choice—and it was the right one. It’s just hard not to want it all sometimes, you know?” - Fitz

“But one should never rely on their enemies to give them hope” - Mr. Forkle

“What I’m trying to realize is that it’s okay to be different. If everyone were the same, we’d all make the same mistakes. Instead we all face our own things, and that’s not so bad because we have people who care about us to help us through” - Sophie

Sophie wanted to do more than hope—she wanted to act

“Welcome to working with the Black Swan. It’s full of disappointments!” - Sophie

“Leaders must lead” - Granite

“It’s remarkable what one can withstand when one feels they must punish oneself” - Mr. Forkle

It was far too easy to misunderstand a single action

“I just need you to promise that you’ll never give up. No matter how hard it gets. Or how hopeless it feels. Never, ever give up” - Edaline

“Sometimes the greatest power comes from showing mercy. Especially to those who may not deserve it” - Sophie

“Answers can be lies. If you really want me to trust you, I need to read your shadowvapor” - Tam

“Hope is all we have left” - Sophie

“I think it’s time to admit the world no longer makes any sense” - Sophie

“He’s not all bad. No one is. That’s what makes villains so scary. They’re not as different from us as we want them to be” - Sophie

“And you stay my brave moonlark, always” - Calla

Keeper of the lost cities - Lodestar:

“Change can be a powerful, inspiring thing when we keep an open mind” - Magnate Leto

“Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better” - Keefe

“Questionable actions can be forgiven when they’re done with good intentions” - Magnate Leto

“Actions never tell the whole story. Good can be done for the wrong reason. And bad can be misunderstood” - Linh

“I’ve often said that it seems we’re attempting to drain the ocean with a leaking spoon. But even if that’s the case, we can either give up, or we can continue taking it one dripping spoonful at a time” - Mr. Forkle

“Dude—this guy uses more hair products than I do!” - Tam

“Oh . . . you know. People I care about are in danger, and none of the adults want my help. Same old, same old” - Sophie

“But I also think we all know the hard choices we have to face for this cause. You don’t defeat a group of murderers with rainbows and candy” - Sophie

“‘If you could change our world, would you?’ And when I said yes, she asked if my answer would be different if the only way to change the world involved breaking rules” Juline / Physic

“We all make mistakes. The only thing we can do is try to move past them” - Juline

“Safety is an illusion. It exists only when we, as a society, agree to enforce it. But theoretically, any situation could turn violent if someone decided to treat it that way” - Mr. Forkle

Some problems were too important to worry about breaking promises

“Gold is a weak metal. But we are strong. We don’t build houses or walls for protection. We build them to have a place that inspires awe—a place worth defending” - Sandor

“Trust me, I know enough about these things. Sometimes there is no fix. Even for elves. This is my swan song” - Mr. Forkle

“Time is a funny thing. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. But then it passes to someone else. You’ll do great things with it, Sophie. Wonderful, incredible things. I’m sorry I won’t be there to see them. But don’t let that stop you from living them. Dream. Fight. Love. Take risks. Allow yourself to be happy” - Mr. Forkle

“Thank you for being brave enough to find me this one last time. You gave me the gift of goodbye” - Mr. Forkle

Keeper of the lost cities - Nightfall:

“Communication can be a powerful weapon, and an essential defense” - Alden

“Sometimes I get sick of being strong” - Sophie

“We wanted her to see that the shadows that scared her could be beautiful and powerful when we learn how to take control of them” - Edaline

“We all have things we hold back. Maybe we have no choice. Or maybe they’re small things that we feel aren’t anyone else’s business. Whatever the reasoning, secrets are simply a part of life” - Mr. Forkle

“The past is the only finite thing in this uncertain world, and in a way, that’s somewhat comforting” - Mr. Forkle

“Embracing violence doesn’t make you strong. True strength comes from finding a peaceful alternative” - Blur

“Sometimes we have to break so we can rebuild ourselves into something stronger” - Lady Gisela

“I know how easy it is to slip into despair, but try not to lose hope” - Edaline

“But the more you complicate a mission, the more it reduces your chances of success” - Mr. Forkle

“It’s not fun having to admit that what you want just . . . isn’t going to happen” - Biana

“You can’t change who you are, or who your family is. Believe me—if I could, I would. All you can do is make sure you’re living by what you believe in” - Tam

“Is a day any less worth living simply because you’re not going to remember it? - Bronte

“I know it still hurts. And I can’t change that. But just . . . know that whatever happens, it’s going to be survivable—and never stop hoping for the happy ending. Sometimes you get one you don’t expect. I’ll definitely be fighting for it with everything I have” - Sophie

“I’ll be fighting for the happy ending too” - Amy

“Because nothing good can come from looking too deeply into the tragedies that can’t be changed” - Quinlin

“You can’t control everything that’s going to happen, Sophie. I know on some level you know that—but I still see you trying. And I understand that instinct. But the real secret to facing these kinds of challenges is to go in knowing that something will go wrong. Many things, most likely. It’s not about perfect plans. It’s about believing you can handle whatever happens” - Mr. Forkle

“The right choice sometimes isn’t easy, Sophie. But that doesn’t mean it’s not right” - Lady Gisela

If you want, you can also put quotes in the comments because I also want to have on the list.

[posletsvet]

Some further chapter 235 thoughts

Alright, a little disclaimer before I get carried away: this may and chances are will in some ways contradict my thoughts from when I last talked about it here. Right after the spoilers came out my thinking was driven by emotion, and before I got a chance to sit down and shape my opinion properly, the emotion was what defined it. I guess I shouldn't have written it down in the first place, as all I really did was allowed my feelings to get the better of me and judged the situation biased. My bad, really,,

With that out of the way, my opinion has shifted since, and as I've come to see it, there's at least one important thing that Sukuna vs Gojo fight did, and that is precisely cementing Gojo's position as the strongest. It's already a pre-established truth when we enter the story, but it's put into question with Sukuna finding a way out of his seal through Yuuji consuming that finger. Sukuna merely being brought back to existence is already enough to challenge Gojo's title. Is Satoru Gojo rightfully the pinnacle of Jujutsu, or is he, as Sukuna brags, just somebody who is considered the strongest when the King of Curses wasn't around to provide a contrast? Is he the most powerful sorcerer of all eras, or is he simply the one of his time, comparatively mild and peaceful? Two characters getting to be named the only honoured one throughout heaven and earth is an explicit contradiction, so how could both statements be true at the same time? These were the questions hanging in the air from the beginning, looming over both the audience and the characters' heads, and Gege undoubtedly has been laying the groundwork for Gojo and Sukuna's confrontation since the very start. So as much as I or anybody else may dislike it, the purpose of this fight was never solely to rescue Megumi. The debate over who should claim the title of the all-time strongest had come into question long before the necessity to save Megumi entered the equasion, it's been a thread unravelling itself throughout the whole narrative. If Gojo's arc is about to reach its conclusion, that could only be possible with this uncertainty dispelled. Now that we have a concrete answer, the narrative can move on from there.

What's also been a reappearing idea in the manga since the outset, is the notion that the strength positions individual's value in Jujutsu society, brought to us from perspectives of various characters. However, it's not the strength alone which defines one's place, or rather it's not all kinds of strength that are accepted as valuable and deserving of admiration. In actuality, what really matters is how well the person in question fits into the conventional image, which is backed up by centuries of tradition followed by those in charge. Otherwise the instances when extremely powerful in their own ways individuals are driven out to the outskirts of society just because they don't fit into the mold of traditionalistic beliefs enough wouldn't be present in the narrative, we just wouldn't have characters like Toji and Maki. The moral of their stories is, essentially, that in order to be recognized as an individual and have at least some singnificant say when it comes to making decisions in the Jujutsu world, you need to uphold a standard.

And by whom is that standard set?

My thoughts keep circling back to what Gakuganji once said regarding the defining forces in their society which Grade 1 sorcerers are, whereas Special Grades are rather 'something of a misrepresentation'. I guess those who are assigned Grade 1 really do have a greater influence on the world around them, and that is not due to their strength, but rather because they're setting an ideal for those below them in the hierarchical order. They're better fit to serve as role models, and in society where climbing to the top is a way to ensure survival, younger and less experienced sorcerers have no choice but to look up to those who thrive, seeking a way to achieve it, too. The strong get to dictate the standard, yes, but it's still essential that they uphold said standard themselves, providing an example. This even finds a reflection in the procedure of promotion. One needs to be deemed worthy upon receiving recommendations, and that requires having characteristics which fall in line with what is conventionally approved of. So while Gojo is considered the strongest of his generation, he is not, paradoxically, the most powerful player in the field, not in terms of political and influential significance. Not when he displays a mindset that is a stand-alone against traditional beliefs held by the absolute majority. That is a contradiction pointed out by Sukuna in early chapters: he finds it amusing that someone so strong plays by somebody else's rules.

How is all that relevant to the importance of Gojo winning the fight?

As we know, Special Grades tend to be lone wolves, too vastly outnumbered for their voice to be heard clearly. For instance, who in the Jujutsu world knows of Yuki's research and what fruit it bears, what insight into the nature of cursed energy her investigation provides? She's stigmatized for being a delinquent (I think it's no coincidence that the only thing Geto heard about her was how she didn't carry out her duties as a sorcerer), the work of her life going unnoticed with her death. It might be a complicated way for me to get to the point, but what I'm trying to say is that Gojo, as recognizable within sorcerer's society as he is, probably isn't that different from Yuki. No one really remembers his goals when asked to describe him. He's the strongest, and that's the only lingering impression of him. By coming out of this fight triumphant and therefore cementing his position on the top of Jujutsu society, Gojo makes sure he will be remembered -- just like Sukuna is still remembered, even though centuries have passed since he was at the peak of his power. With surpassing the King of Curses under his belt, Gojo's name is now set in stone, and so is his example for the future generations. This means Gojo's ideology will outlive him, and even if his beliefs might seem delusional as of now, it doesn't mean this won't change in the years to follow. Because the adequacy of one or the other set of ideas can only be measured by the context of society they exist in, and now that society has a stimulus to reconstruct itself, adapting to the views of someone who's proven himself ultimately superior judging by its own standarts. So yes, in the end Gojo and Sukuna both fought for the sake of proving they could win, but while Sukuna was after personal gain in terms of self-affirmation and growth, I'd argue that for Gojo it was rather about setting an example.

Now, to once again address my previous thoughts and how they've changed, I no longer think it's Gojo's loneliness that should be breached in order to bring about change. Gojo's being lonely is converted into somewhat of a symbol by the narrative, and, using a little bit of metaphor here, symbols should remain static, unchanged in order to carry meaning. In that sense Gojo still represents the flawed past which the main characters of the manga need to break away from, making him the last strong sorcerer forced to fight alone and trapped in his own position. Gojo as a side character needs to stay at least in some ways inferior for the protagonists of the story to outshine him, claiming the spotlight back. After all, it's all about giving way to the new generation, and Gojo himself acknowledges it well. He as a sorcerer of the previous, older generation is too well-ingrained in that very society which the whole narrative focuses on deconstructing. It's about surpassing your predecessors, and if anything, making sure his students will do so is Gojo's main goal as a teacher.

[myloveismineallmine]

Just watched It's a Wonderful Life and I have so many thoughts... it's so interesting to compare it to the modern christmas movies we see. Many are those lifetime romances about a business woman who visits her hometown for christmas and gives up her job in new york/seattle/chicago/LA/ insert some other metropolitan city here so she can marry a more "traditional" hometown man and stay in that community. I've seen some people point out how it feels very traditionalist and almost anti-feminist and I'm inclined to agree.

I think they tried to elicit the themes from IWL but got completely lost in the sauce. The protagonist is a man who had always dreamed of traveling the world and getting out of his shitty small town. But multiple times he is given the opportunity to escape to bigger cities, and each time he choses to stay behind. Not because he personally wants to, he craves a life bigger than he has. And not for anything like romance, either. He stays because the community needs him to stand up to corporate greed and be a leader for them. After his brother comes back from school, he is once again offered an opportunity to escape via putting his brother in his position to run the family business. But he lets his brother move away because he sees that his brother has already started a life elsewhere and is very happy. This selfless action is rewarded for the protagonist when his brother later saves hundreds of lives during WW2 and becomes a national hero. The protagonist sacrifices his own honeymoon money so that the community will have enough money to get by when the bank goes under. He is rewarded by getting a brief ego boost when the villain of the film fails to shut down his company. Even when the villain offers the main protagonist a job with high pay to support his struggling family, the protagonist stands his ground and continues to live a poor life while also being able to help people in his community build houses and businesses. The main protagonist is offered many "outs" to live a better life, and yet he chooses to not take them because he is selfless and knows his community needs him.

This is one of the main differences, I think. Hallmark/Lifetime movies think romance is a justifiable means of sacrificing a "better" life. And maybe it is, though I think the actors should have chemistry if they want that to be true. But despite having romance, IWL is not about sacrificing your dreams to get married in a small town. It's about sacrificing your dreams to help build a community and fight against corporate greed. Which is why IWL feels less like a Christian traditionalist propaganda, despite having religious themes. The protagonist does throw away his lofty aspirations, but it's not just for one person, it's to bring a whole community together and to stand up against an actual evil (monopolistic capitalism.) They even show you how shitty things are when there's no one there to do that!

In short. Modern christmas movies usually miss the mark because they want to sell us a very white traditionalist heterosexual romance celebrating America's most consumerist holiday. Any actual critique on the problems within our society= too much of a risk. Too hard to thinky about. Brain hurty from actual deep topics and not just "love good, small towns good, urbanism BAD!!!"

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie: On the Lore

I have been really enjoying La Pluie, both from a straight up romance perspective - Patts and Tai have great chemistry and I like the way the show is bringing them together - and from a lore perspective. I want to chat more about the lore today.

So here’s what we know about “soulmates” in this universe:

A small percentage of the population is born with what they refer to as “hearing loss” - aka they lose their ability to hear when it rains. But there’s a twist - beginning as early as their 20th birthday, people with hearing loss are able to hear another person when it rains, if and only if it is also raining where both of them are. It’s always the same person every time, and they have the choice to talk to this person through their special hearing connection when the opportunity presents itself, or ignore them if they wish.

No one seems to know why this happens. Hearing loss is referred to as a “disease” and it does not seem to be something that most desire. That said, humans must make meaning of phenomena they don’t understand, and so most choose to believe that those who have a hearing connection are soulmates. You can see how this romantic interpretation would be favored in most societies, and from what we’ve seen in the show, most people with hearing loss seem to believe in it.

Today, we heard Lomfon lay out the skeptic’s perspective: the hearing connection has nothing to do with soulmates, it’s just an illness that relates to “matching wavelengths” in proximal climates. He believes people with hearing loss don’t have to be with whoever they’re connected to, and should be free make their own choices.

Last week I was discussing the lore of this show with pals @bengiyo @ginnymoonbeam and @kyr-kun-chan because there are so many implications to this and once we started asking questions we just kept going. What if, as Lomfon believes, this hearing connection has nothing to do with soulmates? Are all these people trying to force themselves to be in love with someone because they believe they are supposed to, when that’s not what the hearing connection means at all? What if your sexual identity doesn’t match with the person you’re connected to? Does it change the way you think about your sexuality? What about aroace people with hearing loss? Are there platonic soulmates in this universe?

And even if it is the case that Lomfon and other skeptics are right, isn’t it understandable that anyone interested in romance would want to make a go of it with the literal only person who can hear and communicate with them all the time? We’ve already seen how difficult it is to maintain a relationship with someone outside that dynamic when you have hearing loss, because there is an intimacy with your hearing connection partner that you simply can’t have with anyone else you date. Most relationships can’t withstand it.

In cases like Patts and Tai where there is an age gap between soulmates, you could spend many years believing you had someone but having absolutely no way to know when you might finally hear them. If you have hearing loss and believe in soulmates, are you meant to sit around waiting until it’s confirmed? What if you don’t live in the same town or even the same country? What if one of you lives in a climate where it rarely rains? It’s possible you might never hear each other! So do you try to carry on living a normal life and dating like usual? And ultimately, as we saw with Patts and Nara, is that fair to the person you’re with who will eventually almost certainly be pushed out when your soulmate arrives?

And consider Tai’s parents, who are soulmates who ultimately chose to separate, with Tai’s mom even remarrying now and his dad apparently happy for her. Presumably, they can still hear each other when it rains, but they’re no longer together, so how do you navigate that? Tai’s dad moved away for some time, presumably to make it less likely they would have to hear each other constantly, since the odds of a hearing connection go down significantly if you’re in different climates. But now they’re in proximity to each other again and she is with someone else. Is this meant to demonstrate that the hearing connection does not in fact make them soulmates? Or that despite being soulmates, there is still always an element of choice and the work to maintain the relationship still matters?

When you start really thinking through all of this, it’s easy to understand Tai’s ambivalence and then resistance to this idea - until, of course, he meets Patts. I thought it was spot on that he told Lomfon in today’s episode that he didn’t really know how to answer his skepticism about the soulmate lore. Because if you’d asked him a couple weeks ago, he’d have probably agreed - you’re right, the hearing connection doesn’t make you soulmates, it’s just nonsense. But now that he’s getting to know Patts, and growing increasingly interested in a relationship with him, you can tell a part of him wants to believe. And I just find that fascinating.

[radioactive-leopard]

I am hearing so much rhetoric from other Americans about either not voting or voting for Trump in the elections in November as a protest vote and I cannot believe how naive they are. Yes, what the current administration is doing in Palestine is terrible; yes, our president is a literal Zionist who openly supports Israel; yes, this is terrible. I don’t think people remember how bad it was under the trump presidency. I’m going to break down a few of their talking points, including those about how the Biden administration failed to live up to their campaign promises.

Biden didn’t protect roe v wade. No, he didn’t, but do you know who you should blame for that? Obama. If Ruth bader Ginsberg hadn’t refused to step down when Obama was president, the Supreme Court would be slightly less conservative. Obama could have pressured her more into retiring. When Obama did have the overwhelming majority in both the house and the senate, he didn’t push for any reproductive rights bills to go through. From 2020-2022, Dems had the slimmest majorities in both the house and senate. In the senate, it was a 50-50 tie with Kamala Harris as the tie breaker, and democrats like Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema didn’t support those bills. They had a 13 seat majority in the house, but frankly there wasn’t enough to pass a reproductive rights act. How could Biden have stopped the overturning of roe v wade? He has no power over the Supreme Court. Right now, republicans control the house and the senate is 51-49. Nothing is going through Congress right now.

Biden didn’t cancel student loans like he promised. No, he didn’t. Because the Supreme Court overruled his attempt to forgive a bunch of student loans at once. So what is he doing? Pushing through smaller forgiveness packages to get around the Supreme Court. People want Biden to be a benevolent dictator but only when it suits them.

Biden supports Israel. Yes, he does. Who else supports Israel? Literally every president since WWII. Biden isn’t alone here, and frankly he is far more moderate than other presidents have been. Trump moved the embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, signifying that the us recognizes israeli domain over Jerusalem. Trump has also been vocal in his support for the genocide in Gaza, calling for the IOF to flatten it. Voting for trump would be even more disastrous for the Palestinian people, as he would actively support Bibi. Remember, Benjamin Netanyahu and his allies want Biden to lose because they know what trump will be like.

It can’t get any worse. Yes, it can. Project 2025 is the gop plan to destroy American democracy and any pesky minorities. They want to get rid of the department of education among others. It is a white nationalist, Christian nationalist plot. They want to ban abortion nation wide, persecute trans people, install lackies in civil service positions instead of more neutral professionals, enter into a trade war with china, and grow the fossil fuel industry. If trump wins, his administration will do their best to strip away any constitutional freedoms and create a dictatorship. All of this would be disastrous, and many of these policies would hurt trumps own voter base. Speaking as a midwesterner, I remember when trump was doing that trade war with china and they imposed tariffs on American agricultural products, specifically pork. My family ate so much pork during that time because it was so cheap, but that was only because pig farmers were suffering without the market in china. A trade war with china would specifically hurt farmers.

Don’t vote for either we need a revolution. Seriously? How do you propose we do that? How on gods green earth would people create a successful revolution in less than 6 months. Who do you think would be the first ones hurt in the event of a revolution? The answer is that a revolution would only hurt societies most vulnerable: women, gender and sexual minorities, people of color, Muslims, Jews, any other religious minority, children, and disabled people. A revolution or uprising would be the worst thing that could happen to the people of this country, and it would embolden fascists to enact violence.

[reikiajakoiranruohoja]

Rant: Killing Kairi off is still bad

I don't often rant about this, because I don't usually bother to give my energy to something I find distasteful or bad. But Helluva Boss has hit a nerve for me that shouldn't be hit in the first place.

To offer some background and an explanation for the title, back in the days when Kingdom Hearts was released and later when Kingdom Hearts 2 was released, there existed an unfortunate trend in the fandom. If there was any sort of female character that was potentially a love interest, it was very typical for the fanfic authors to make the female character into a one-dimensional screeching harpy and kill them off in gruesome ways to ensure their intended pairing got together. The already low sympathy towards female characters by the (mostly) female fandom was amplified once that fandom discovered m/m pairings.

This was rarely done for male characters, because every male character was a potential ship with another male character.

If I were to offer explanations for this behaviour, back in those days there really wasn't much gay representation in the Western media and most of the (teenage) fandom read everything through a Western lens. Therefore, any female main character was assumed to get together with the male main character in canon. Only in fanfiction could the fan favourite couple be together, hence the violence towards the female characters.

This was decades ago, the fandom and society at large have moved on from those days. Now gay rep is not that hard to find and gay couples can get together in canon.

So why do we see an adult indie show focused on gay relationships use the very same tropes that those teenagers used years ago?

Stella from Helluva Boss is written and treated exactly like Kairi was in those ancient Kingdom Hearts fics. There is no nuance in her portrayal and she is essentially just an obstacle between Blitz and Stolas. This is significant because the story is full of flawed characters, yet we are never allowed to see the situation from Stella's point of view, only Stolas'. We don't even know if Stella and her daughter like each other.

This isn't helped by the fact that every time Stella shows up, it is always in some way related to hurting Stolas. There are no scenes involving her that just showcase her character outside her relationship with Stolas.

Now, a writer is allowed to portray an abuser only as far as their relationship with their victim goes. But Stolas is far from a perfect angel himself, forcing Blitz to sleep with him in order to keep a portal book that is integral to Blitz' job. Stolas is also seen abusing his imp servants and spending a trip to an amusement park with his daughter ignoring her and hitting on Blitz instead.

If Stolas is allowed such nuance, why isn't Stella?

Simply put, I think Stella is being treated just like Kairi in those fanfics of yore. She is an obstacle between Stolas and Blitz and so it must be made clear Stolas could never love her. But like with those fanfics, the demonization of the female character is pointless. It is clear what the intended couple is and what it is not, so the efforts to devalue the female character amount to nothing more than padding.

To offer an example of how Stella could have been handled if there was no intention of giving her nuance, let's look at how another adult show handled a similar situation. In Frasier, Niles' ex Maris is never shown nor voiced. What she says and what she looks like don't matter, only that she is cruel to Niles and he should stay away from her.

Now, one might say it is unfair to compare Helluva Boss to Frasier. I have to disagree, though, as both are comedy shows mainly focused on discussing relationships between adults. That HB includes sexuality should not deter it from taking itself as seriously.

I think like the fanfics of yore, Helluva Boss cannot shake its rebellious teenage irrelevance. Even with no censors to control the content, the show still relies too much on lewdness and gore. Things that are mostly seen in Adult Swim's 'adult' shows like Superjail. Now, Superjail was a fine show for what it wanted to be, but an emotional exploration of relationships it was not.

Stella's treatment and even her existence is a mark of this immature writing. If you want to explore relationships from the angle of adulthood and maturity, you can't just make a character pivotal to a plot into a strawman. If you want a strawman, don't bother giving it a face and voice.

The sexist nature of this type of writing is best shown when Stella's brother Andrealphus appears. In his scenes in one episode Andrealphus has much more nuance and character than Stella has had in all her appearances combined. The reason for this is, naturally, because Andrealphus is a femme male character.

Stella is only one in a long line of female characters whose existence is only to be awful so the intended couple never has any potential third wheel.

[thegeminisage]

tng update time. last night we watched "datalore" together and this morning i caught "angel one" on my own

datalore: not terrible!! i felt really bad for data the entire time of course. kind of delighted to find out he is amnesiac-adjacent in this episode, at least as far as not knowing where he comes from or why. i've gotten used to thinking of him as friend-shaped but lore reminded me of just how creepy he actually does look because he was making the creepy faces

the planet and lab were cool though it was hilarious that one of the pieces was just an ass with the crotch faced away from us to protect data's modesty lol

i liked the bit about data having an off switch.it is ironically such a human vulnerability. we have those too! it's called head trauma.

ik what i said about picard not being a dick anymore but i noticed he IS still a dick sometimes and it's mostly to either wesley (valid) or data (may he DIE). i was glad data told him not to call lore "it" and that he APOLOGIZED. he should apologize to data more often

lore is literally just a data who is better at masking btw. like thats all it is. he thinks using contractions makes him allistic and he's like ha ha look at me i'm better than you meanwhile he has to use a little laser to remove his own facial tick and his special interest is murdering humans and good for him

one thing i HATED about this ep was once again wesley made a valid point and everyone told him to fuck off. meanwhile whenever hes fucking around they let him do whatever he wants. this is making me CRRRAZY. all this stuff about you would have listened to me if i was an adult!! i'll kill the little brat myself

however the episode was immediately rescued by the appearance of this meme:

which sent me immediately into screaming hysterics because i was NOT expecting to see it in its original format here. i quite literally had to pause the episode and explain this meme to catherine with tears running down my face

angel one: not as bad as the skip/watch lists led me to believe (i didnt have to play it on 2x speed for example) but still pretty fucking terrible. oh what if WOMEN were in charge wouldnt that be WEIRD AND SCARY? meanwhile the women are wearing what pretends to be "no makeup" in 1987 and theyre super fucking hot

i thought that blonde chick was rthe one from tos's backdoor pilot and even looked it up but no she just moves her face the same way

riker's slut outfit really was something. he was such a good sport about it that i thought it was kind of mean of deanna and tasha to laugh at him but considering how women are treated on this show they deserve to actually. tasha especially.

absolutely bonkers that he tried to turn the head woman down and she slept with him anyway. close encounters of the space babes riker version??? quite literally the man said i'm not an object to be seduced and then he got seduced. wild

anyway, the morals of this were all over the place. they cant remove these people bc theyre not bound by the prime directive but they literally are interfering with this planet's system of laws etc...also the fact that like everyone is arguing for gender equality when the genders are reversed is all well and good when they live in a utopian society where genders are equal but we live and star trek was made in the real world where the genders are NOT equal so it just comes out sounding like but what about the meeeeen?? i mean. what about them?? sorry.

i. HATED. the b-plot of this episode. everyone's like oh no i wonder how this virus spreads! and then they allow worf to stay on the bridge while he does those dad sneezes. maybe this episode should have been before the other to explain data's sudden hyperfixation on learning to sneeze lol. like ik all infectious disease media hits different post pandemic but jesus christ we had more sense than that even BEFORE the pandemic

tonight we do 11001001, and then i'm doing the next FOUR on my own...rough.